Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Can anyone beat a pair of twos ?
Good Morning…
It has been a few days so I thought I’d better write something intelligent or at least turn my head and cough so you won’t think that I died or something worse ! For those of you that will lose interest half way through and don’t make it to the end of this Blah-g, let me say Happy Thanksgiving here ! If you plan on reading the whole Blah-g then please forget that I said that.
This dead spot for rent, call 1-900-NO SIGNAL for details.
Here it is… something for every First Responder !
For the FIREMEN:
Do I have a Ladder and Squad Truck for you !
This Ladder Truck will go up to a maximum of 3,000 feet. The ladder is made up of a new metal that will not rust and is so light that a child could carry the whole 3,000 foot section by him or herself. The Ladder Truck will never cost you another penny as any updates or modifications will be performed at no charge.
This Ladder Truck is pre-painted and labeled with your company logo.
This Truck runs on gas, electric or propane and has a top speed of 105 miles per hour.
It takes 85 firemen to crank the ladder up and it takes approximately two weeks to raise the ladder two feet.
Our SQUAD Truck will carry over 50 firefighters and is the size of a normal 1972 Volkswagon Van. Also pre-painted, this Squad Truck will look good in any fire department !
Top speed, 2 MPH and gets about one mile per gallon of gas with the wind at it’s back. The large gas tank almost holds a whole tank of Gas… what a Deal…
What a DEAL I tell you ! Price to be announced…
For the POLICE:
Do I have a Pistol for you !
This pistol is made of ultra light metal and you can order special ammunition that is weightless. Looks just like what you are currently using, guaranteed !
The sights on this pistol are automatic and will automatically detect an intruder and follow him or her. Police officers will be auto-recognized by our unique “Crazy Outstanding Police” (or COP, commonly referred to as the kissing up by the Blah-ger) warning system. The trigger is feather light for police officers only. Children over the age of 28, Drunks, Unemployed 911 Managers, Those with Gas, Monkeys and Sheep Herders cannot pull the trigger !
The magazine is auto loading too. Just set the box of ammunition next to the Clip and the Bullets automatically load into it’s 55 shot clip !
The bullet will stay inside the weapon once the trigger has been pulled. Another unique feature so you will NEVER run out of bullets !!
Limited quantities ! HURRY !!! Price to be announced …
For the MEDICS:
The new Cutz-All Scissors ! These Scissors will fit in any Medic Kit and look just like the ones you might have seen on MASH or Dugie Houser MD. Made for the Medic who has everything. Comes in 255 colors, please specify which color number you would like when you order. Could you see this in Transparent !
The Cutz-All Scissors fit in the palm of your hand and look very professional. Pearl handle with diamond studded name plate included.
Safe around children as there are NO BLADES to get cut on.
What a deal I tell you ! Price to be announced…
For the 911 MANAGER:
The new BOSS MIRROR. This Mirror is to carry around all day so you can look important. No one will want to tick off a 911 MANAGER carrying this new BOSS MIRROR !
When you think of the BOSS MIRROR think of the FLY sitting on the mirror who said “that’s how I look at it”.
Made of 100% Wood and is shaped like a Mule.
What a DEAL ! I tell ya...
Price to be announced …
TO ALL FIRST RESPONDERS:
A new radio system for you.
This system would replace all of your older Kenwood, Standard, Maxon, RCA, Force, EF Johnson, and other radios including the good working Motor Ola ones you currently own.
This new system would be “copy protected” so only the newer ones would work. That way you only HAVE TO GO to just one manufacture each time you need a radio. All the other manufactures will soon go out of business and become First Responders !
This system would include hundreds of Channels, or Talk Groups and you can use EACH and EVERY ONE OF THEM anytime 911 Mamagement says you can. Your radios can be BLOCKED OUT completely by 911 anytime they want to. That way the radios can't transmit on the system at all making it easier for the first responder to communicate using his or her hands.
The Antennas on these new Radios would be very small as the signal is very high. These Mega Hurtz SIGNALS will NOT harm anyone else as they are made to only transmit a short distance and they AUTOMATICALLY maneuver AROUND receiving towers so that 911 Dispatchers are not bothered by unwanted noise ! ( a bigger antenna is made for directors, 911 Managers and Important People. That model does not have the Automatic Tower Maneuvering circuits so that 911 Dispatchers can hear what is being said. )
An EXTRA LOUD ANNOYING BEEPING SYSTEM has been added to each radio to let you know when you are TALKING to YOURSELF. This system was added as we were afraid of others eavesdropping on your communications. Now you KNOW when no one is listening !
Automatically set to go off every other transmission.
For your added enjoyment, an orange or red button has been added to each radio. You are to push this button when you do NOT hear the Extra Loud Annoying Beeping System or you are getting hungry. Our System Food Technicians will hunt you down and serve you with a Big Mac and Fries. We may even answer you on your personal mini takeout speaker ! ( feel free to take this speaker out anytime you feel like it )
These babies are available in mass quantities through the Westmo Reland Codepart Ment of Emerge Gencyman Agement.
117 Fire Departments, 40 Police and 25 EMS Services plus other First Responders like the Court House Maintenance Crew already have these modern devices.
Get yours today.
WHAT A DEAL, WHAT A DEAL I TELL YOU ( a pair of twos, a jack, a ten and a seven )
Prices range from $1500 for a cheapy IM10-6 Model to almost $10,000 for the Big Boy 10-9 Model.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING !
Decoded,
K3SAM
http://800.k3sam.com – website
news@k3sam.com – tips ‘n news / comments ‘n views
